When people read others' papers, we only see the final version; it is difficult to follow the revision, editing, and proofreading process of writing. Though it may be invisible in the end, it makes lasting impressions on the readers. The revision process fixes any gaps in logic, clarifies the claim, and therefore allows the paper to be read easily. In my second major paper, I state in my complex claim that one of the causes of the public's ignorance of Newton's theological philosophy is its reluctance to relate science and religion. However, in the process of writing, I forgot to mention and argue this issue. Therefore, in order to follow the road map provided by the complex claim, I needed to either omit this statement in the claim or include it in my essay. Because the science and religion conflict provides an interesting layer and a deeper understanding as to why Newton's identity may have been masked, I included it in the paper. I inserted a paragraph about the conflict between religion and science before I began to address the counter-argument and transition into the discussion of whether theology presents a crucial part of his identity. I used evidence from sources (i.e. Ferngren) to explain the "conflict thesis" developed by Draper and White outlined why this thesis of mutual hostility between science and religion is faulty. In order to support my claim, I note in the end of the paragraph that "due to these misconceptions, people hesitate to relate science and religion. Since the two may not seem to relate naturally, that Newton, a great figure of science, had a deeply theological philosophy and influence may not be not only neglected but also reproached and hard to believe".
The first short assignment---appropriately titled "Exploring Englishes"---asked us to write about situations where we have to use the different types of Englishes. Possibly because it was the first assignment, it contained many errors. Ideas were not fully developed or clearly explained. When I stated that "regardless of the language, I have to make sure that I do not use slang and be careful about the way I speak", I thought that the statement would be easily understood and accepted, since the sentence before, I explained that "the subtle difference between the pronunciation changed the comprehensibility". However, I received a comment from my instructor asking "why? Can you elaborate?" Reading the passage and line again, I realized that the statement may have been confusing since it only subtly hinted at the ideas I had previously mentioned in the paragraph. Therefore, I expanded the idea. Now, the sentence addresses why since I add that "regardless of the language I choose to use, I have to make sure that I do not use slang and be careful about the way I speak since they may not understand slangs and my speech reflects my respect and compliance towards them". The new sentence not only makes more sense in context but also allows the paragraph to close better since it also explains why I have adopted this manner of speaking in front of my parents.
In my discussion of the English used with my chamber group, I claimed that "I would ask for suggestions after we play and comment [since it would] create a sense of unity". A comment, after peer review, asked for me to elaborate because the connection is not given. Therefore, I expanded on my idea by noting that "by asking questions directed towards the group, I make sure to incorporate everyone's opinions and create a sense of community where each person is valued". I also replaced the word 'unity' since it was slightly ambiguous and rather used 'sense of community' which allowed me to develop what type of community I am referring to.
Through the revision, editing, and proofreading process, I fixed many faults in my essays, and hopefully, they are not only easier to read but also more and better developed. I addressed the issues that reviewers commented on and also added to accommodate for the road map and claim stated at the beginning of the paper, reflecting my flexible strategy for revising and editing my writing, satisfying the fourth outcome.
The first short assignment---appropriately titled "Exploring Englishes"---asked us to write about situations where we have to use the different types of Englishes. Possibly because it was the first assignment, it contained many errors. Ideas were not fully developed or clearly explained. When I stated that "regardless of the language, I have to make sure that I do not use slang and be careful about the way I speak", I thought that the statement would be easily understood and accepted, since the sentence before, I explained that "the subtle difference between the pronunciation changed the comprehensibility". However, I received a comment from my instructor asking "why? Can you elaborate?" Reading the passage and line again, I realized that the statement may have been confusing since it only subtly hinted at the ideas I had previously mentioned in the paragraph. Therefore, I expanded the idea. Now, the sentence addresses why since I add that "regardless of the language I choose to use, I have to make sure that I do not use slang and be careful about the way I speak since they may not understand slangs and my speech reflects my respect and compliance towards them". The new sentence not only makes more sense in context but also allows the paragraph to close better since it also explains why I have adopted this manner of speaking in front of my parents.
In my discussion of the English used with my chamber group, I claimed that "I would ask for suggestions after we play and comment [since it would] create a sense of unity". A comment, after peer review, asked for me to elaborate because the connection is not given. Therefore, I expanded on my idea by noting that "by asking questions directed towards the group, I make sure to incorporate everyone's opinions and create a sense of community where each person is valued". I also replaced the word 'unity' since it was slightly ambiguous and rather used 'sense of community' which allowed me to develop what type of community I am referring to.
Through the revision, editing, and proofreading process, I fixed many faults in my essays, and hopefully, they are not only easier to read but also more and better developed. I addressed the issues that reviewers commented on and also added to accommodate for the road map and claim stated at the beginning of the paper, reflecting my flexible strategy for revising and editing my writing, satisfying the fourth outcome.